Saturday, 3 January 2015

A Timid Girl Is Born

"Dang! I've always been the QUIET child, whose mother spoke with her eyes, (Hey! Don't roll your eyes...Its true. My mom was a stern disciplinarian growing up) And I dared not argue or reply. I would just nod my head in compliance, like a cute AGAMA lizard (even though 'cute' is too FANCY an adjective for a reptile)....Still, I would just nod my head peacefully and do whatever I was told.

That's how GENTLE and quiet I was....Not too many friends and certainly not enough time doing what the AVERAGE child spent their time doing. I mean, kids my age at the time, were ruining their Barbie doll's perfect hair and make up, while pretending 'Ken-the-doll' was their prince CHARMING coming to sweep them off their murky sandy feet and choose them over pretty Barbie. Hahahah, right? I must have had some INSIGHT to the truth. Whew!!! Who would ever choose that fugly toothy mean girl down my street? But hey, that's none of my business. I'm just going to bury my head in Dad's NEWSPAPER and try and make out half of what these cluster of alphabets mean. 

Yes, I was a little nerdy like that. I wanted to be SMART and brilliant....and maybe pretty. Yes I was pretty cute....but I wanted to be "Pretty come get me, let's kiss dammit...." and not "Pretty come hate me, stay away please...." and if I learned anything about the mean girls club. I realise that growing up, I really was the girl, other girls just HATED (and for no good reason, unless of course, they could see that God had assigned for my future, a set of 'Triple D' cup BREASTS and a round fat ASS....Ha! I wonder why?!) and to top it all, my father was a famous musician of sort. Now it wasn't my fault that MUSIC didn't run in their genes....They probably didn't even know I was paying the ultimate prize for such a gift. While they were enjoying daddy time with their fathers, mine was somewhere in Eastern Nigeria playing a gig, or stuck in some overnight studio session, whilst planning a Mega Music Award. But what do they know....Ha, let them rear the beef in....Medium rare.... Hahahah.

Now the girls didn't like me but hang on a second, the boys were ENTRALLED by me. Oh! I had nothing but NIPPLES and certainly no idea what "Coochie Coochie" was, I was just so glad to have a certain group of 'homosapiens' find me "friend worthy" even if the boys scuttled amongst themselves to sit beside me in class, or they offered me their WAFERS (you know those crunchy creamy things they put in your mouth dammit) and oh! their flavoured drinks....Even if one or two offered to teach me simple mathematics or just so he could brush his body against mine. I liked the ATTENTION I got and it certainly made up for whatever I was missing from those ragged ass girls. Hahahah. 

Yes! Them tiny little phony BITCHES ....Whaaaat?! Don't feel sorry for them. I'm finally calling them all the names my TIMID-innocent-mind couldn't conjure back in the days. You see...."


Excerpts culled from 'Chapter 1: A Timid Girl Is Born' in my upcoming book "THE NAKED EXPERIENCE"

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