Friday, 10 October 2014

When, For Thy Commitment Sake?!

I've always liked the idea of a committed relationship whether it is the MONOGAMOUS sexual kind where we are just screwing each other senseless, no more and no one else....or its the "I dig you let's see where this goes kinda commitment", where we are smacking LIPS, fondling each others body parts but nothing more, out of sheer respect for one another.....or 'the ride or die', Bonnie and Clyde movement, You've got me and I've got you until one of us gets totally fed up with LOVE and creeps out of the relationship amicably. 

One way or another I've always given myself to one person at a time. Its either you had my HEART or well, just my body....but whatever the case was, It was simply a "you and I equation"....However temporary, I never did any sharing, at least not on my part.... because I've always thought the ability to be LOYAL to something regardless of the timing, circumstance or change in agreement is a reflection of one's true CHARACTER. And anyone who really knows me, knows I never get involved in anything unless I was completely comfortable with my CHOICES and for that I've been wired to stay committed to those choices. This is what brings me to the subject of COMMITMENT.  What is commitment? I've always thought making a commitment involves dedicating oneself and time to something, a person, a job, a project or even a cause they BELIEVE in. So why do people find it so hard to be dedicated to a choice that they made themselves?

Why should FREEDOM from those choices be such a tempting option if you willingly made them yourself? Why should you expect someone to fulfil their OBLIGATIONS to pay you for a job you show absolutely no commitment to....Or want a bevy of silicon BREASTS and ass to squeeze even after you made a choice before man and SWORE before God that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with that cute little snorkel. Lol. Why haven't people understood that WORDS are like a cash deposit, or some sort of down payment agreement on one's commitment....Like you don't say things you don't mean, cos someone somewhere will hold you to it, for the BALANCE. Like if you say you love me, then act like you don't give a shit.....or say you can't stand the town gossip and I catch you fratenising with the devil....Ha!....

A friend of mine recently said something HURTFUL in a fit of anger, that I didn't know how to love anyone....And yet I have been a good friend to his sorry ass and tolerating his excesses for what, 14 years or so. How much more love, can one show a friend? Lol.....I spent 7 years LOVING a man who never loved me back, 2 years dating and marrying a man I never really loved, 13 years reminiscing about the only man who truly did love me and yet I walked away. I'm still friends with the girlfriend who SLEPT thrice with my ex while I was dating him, another friend who wrongly accused me of dating her perverted ex, and the one friend who thinks she uses me to get what she wants, cos she's way SMARTER than I am. Hahahah. I argue with my closest friends and forgive them almost immediately, it doesn't matter that they sometimes say or do hurtful things to me behind my back....

How come? I've been committed to such a bunch of PRETTY ass wipes, you may think....Lol. Well...(throws hands up) I don't know....But I love them all the same, and will always choose the devil I know before the ANGEL I do not know....I mean its an intelligent approach based on EXPERIENCE. Why set yourself up for a whole new disappointment with new people, when you can be disappointed in a way that’s already FAMILIAR? Exactly!!! Because I made the choice to accept them for who they are, the moment I let the silly wonkers become an integral part of my life. Lol. That's what commitment really is about....You don't change your mind about a JOB you have been paid for, simply because you don't like the weather or your new client sucks. You don't break up friendships because people have certain things in their character that RUBS you off the wrong way, or the one thing they tend to do wrong cancels all the AMAZING things they do right....You simply don't stop loving someone because they don't squirt during sex, can't go ten rounds, refused to love you back or even because they don't fit the ideals of the PERFECT image you have created in your mind.

Commitment is about 100% complete DEVOTION to your choices, whether it's regarding your career, religion, business, relationship, friendship, family, marriage or even beliefs. Personally for me, the biggest distrust I have as regards LOYALTY sterns from seeing people who have a trunk load of commitment issues. Its difficult for me to believe a thing they say, because even though, they don't know why they hate committing to anything, they know they aren't someone anyone can RELY on...And that's where the stress really is, knowing they can always change their minds at a wimp or even at the slightest provocation or DISTRACTION. But how do you know if you are surrounded by people with commitment issues aka Commitment-Phobes......Well, Most times their own negative self-beliefs about RESPONSIBILITY, bonding, control, INTIMACY, love and relationships or constantly seeking freedom will guarantee that they ENGAGE in things that don't last. Because, when they find something that requires a little more from them, they start finding reasons to back away and end up SABOTAGING the future of it.

So, what are the signs of a Commitment-Phobe? See if any of these ring a bell for you:

#1). They travel for work and are gone for a week or more at a time.  Commitment-phobes, tend to choose jobs that allow for a lot of FLEXIBILITY to travel, not work in an office and control their own schedules. This lifestyle also makes it easier to avoid responsibility or be unfaithful.

#2). You haven’t met each other’s friends, family and/or co-workers or they tend to change friends and jobs every once in a while. Commitment-phobes cannot be transparent with their activities. They tend to compartmentalise the DIFFERENT parts of their life. You won’t know what their work life is like and you probably won’t get to know their friends. They have a strong need to be able to separate or HIDE elements of what they are doing so they don’t have to explain themselves to anyone. 

#3). You haven’t seen their home, and if you have, it looks more like a cheap hotel room, BLAND and cold. Most Commitment-phobes have a habit of living a reckless lifestyle. Their own homes are often nothing more than a one way-station to shower, change clothes and sleep on those rare occasions when they get to spend time there. Its usually a one person pad, no arrangement for INCLUSION of others on the long term.

#4). They are ATTENTIVE and charming only when you’re together or alone. Commitment-phobes move in fast. They use their charm and learned social skills to pursue you ardently until they win you over. Once they have you, the less attractive parts of their nonchalant personality start to show.

#5). They are last-minute planners. Planning their time with you is a form of commitment to them. So the Commitment-phobe is going to be uncomfortable if you take CHARGE of how the two of you spend your time. As part of his/her normal mode of conduct, they are going to want to stay in control of what the two of you do with your time together. If they agree to do something you want to do, they’ll have an excuse to opt out initially, typically be late or just cancel at the last minute.

#6). They make you feel CRAZY. The Commitment-phobe finds a way to blame you for the situation you find yourselves in and you start doubting yourself and wonder if you are the crazy one. They could even find a cute pet name for you that suggests you are a drama king/queen e.g. "Sweet n' Sour Pus".... SOUR because you are just a bitter moody person right? Lol. If you confront them about a situation, they won’t want to talk about it. They might even become moody, angry and flip in ways you’ve never seen before in them.

#7). They lose INTEREST when things get serious even if it's related to a job, contract or assignment. Commitment-phobes love the chase but not the CAPTURE. They want to win it but have no intentions to KEEP it. They have a history of brief, passionate relationships or jobs that end fairly too quickly. Aha!!!

Now, Have you seen people who follow through on what they say or set out to do, no matter how long it takes them? Have you seen those who never avoid their responsibilities or strive hard to maintain bonds, friendships and relationships irrespective of how complex the people they have to manage really are? These are the people who understand that an attitude of DEDICATION is beyond just following through on a promise, but is probably the most important tool for SUCCESS in every sphere because it is a DIRECTION you FOLLOW as it truly works for you or Until it actually works for you.

I used to be one of those who used to think my devotion was either an obsession or an addiction, some even call it passion. But everyday when PASSION wakes me up at 2am to write a post even though i'll rather be snoring a cute little tune in La La Land, I know it's commitment that gets the job done. When I force my body to drive myself to a MOVIE set on a crazy traffic day in Lagos, Its COMMITMENT that reminds me that I'm this close to finally achieving my GOALS.

Have A Fantastic Friday Lovelies! Don't Forget to Share This Post With Those You Love (Or Even Like A Lot). Plenty Kisses!!!



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