Friday, 26 September 2014

Forget That Love Feeling.....

So I heard Wiz Khalifa and Amber Rose just broke up....Same for Jason Derulo and Jordin Spark, his fiancee of 3 years, not that I am one to listen to the whispering in Gossip Town. Besides relationships are way complex than our fickle minds can understand and I've had my own fair share of 1 or 2 failed public romance....Who am I to judge?...But wait, didn't we all claim to love each other? Aha! Sometimes we need certain situations to put clarity on a pre-conceived notion. Yes, I have always thought LOVE was a "feeling"...and even though my intentions were good and the other person did the right things, I just couldn't always be in love or STAY in love. Why so? Because FEELINGS change. Its like loving Basmati Rice so much and then deciding that maybe PASTA is so much more delicious, even though they probably have the same CALORIES...

I've had to look at several people and things and decide that just because I didn't feel love for them, they weren't right for me. And the people or things I supposedly claimed to love, I could see all the things wrong with them, but chose to push it aside. 

When a woman gets pregnant, she starts to love the foetus even before the BABY is born...and even if it comes out ugly like a chipmunk, crippled or demented, she still loves her baby just as much. That love is a DECISION, not a feeling.

Which is why, no matter what we do as sinners, God has proven time and time again that his love for us will never change. Why? Cause God made that decision, that CHOICE. And being that God is the original source of love, he is not a human that acts based on irrational feelings. 

We all fall in and out of love with people and hang on to destructive relationships, hurt those who genuinely care about us in the name of this supposed love....when in fact, we do not have the courage to separate our feelings from our choices. Marriages are built on the wrong philosophies, relationships break up and WAR happens because people are acting based on the impulsiveness of their hormones (feelings), rather than build their choices on the stables of making profound decisions. If LOVE isn't a noun but a VERB....it means it's an action word, therefore it means it can only reveal itself by choice (because one chooses to show love)....And to make a choice one must take a decision.  

The unconditional Love that we all desire and crave for is not a feeling but a decision. And that decision is made complete when both parties make the choices not to just feel the EMOTION but stick with the decision to accept who they really are and stay together irrespective of the challenges of partnership. What happens if they go broke, put on weight, lose their careers, listen to gossip, rumours, make mistakes or have a huge fight.....the realities will affect emotions and feelings will definitely CHANGE.

I'm starting to think love should be like buying a good car, a beautiful house or taking an exam. You narrow the options, weigh the pros n cons and take a decision. No one does any of these based on feelings....They look at the hard facts. Can I afford it? What is the value of this object I'm fascinated with or desire? Would it be beneficial to me in the long run? Will I be able to maintain it and take care of it? What or where would I be if I don't have it in my life? We look at the hard facts. 

If I had the option of being with a man like Boris Kodjoe, I will.... in a heart beat (Dang, he's hot and dude has got talent) but wait, he is married. Should I stay unhappy the rest of my life pinning for a man who is taken when I can choose Sola my neighbour who I know is available and genuinely ready for a committed relationship? Even if Boris does decide to leave his wife for me. It would be a random act of emotion that won't last, cause he will one day get fed up and leave me for someone hotter n smarter. And the circle will continue. 

Love only lasts forever, when we acknowledge our shortcomings, yet make the decision to consciously choose first, someone who is deserving of our time, energy, trust, sacrifice, understanding... and that the same person consciously chooses us too, then we can together decide to stay committed to the choices we have made, no matter what happens....because forever is something we actually DECIDE...or what do you think? Feel free to post a comment.

Have A Fantastic Friday Lovelies! Kisses!!!

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