Thursday, 15 May 2014

Kiss Like A Monster....

Yesterday, my brother and I ran into an old flame....(don't know if I should even refer to him as such) cause there was really no FLAME to be honest. He was just an attractive guy I had been FLIRTING with until that DISASTER of a first kiss, followed by a few more HORRIFIC lip-locking that put a lid on my emotions forever (What a waste of good looks). Lol. So I remember when I first wrote an Article about (THE ART OF KISSING) and people were reeling with laughter at my obvious DISTASTE for bad kisses....Well, nothing much has changed about my position. Infact, if there's anything that's become PUZZLING to me....is how much every available man wants to STEAL a kiss (if he's a rogue) or politely ask me for one (if he's a gentleman) .

Still, some of the men who've been in my life....however, may NEVER even have kissed me (okay, maybe I never let them after any SOUR experience)....still some will swear down by their PENIS that I simply hate to kiss....Hahahah. What they haven't realised, is that I'm the KISSMOQUIN of life, an absolutely fine kisser....who treats a kiss like it's pure gold and would rather guard my MYSTERY than bruise their usually fat EGO over their terrible skills (unless he's the kind of man that's willing to learn). 

Let's be HONEST.....some men are CUTE, some women are drop dead GORGEOUS, and they may even be great lovers, but they simply do not grasp the BASIC 101 of a great KISS....and I don't mean that wet SLOPPY suction some men do....like they are plumbing the kitchen DRAINAGE with their mouth. Infact I hate that after a kiss there's evidence of your SALIVA abuse all over my face....with you having to SWALLOW  my entire mouth and cut off my air supply, just to show me what you consider AFFECTION. Hian! (Biko.....free my mouth joor). 

It's always the TERRIBLE kissers that stare down your mouth like it's their LIFELINE....which is why I stay away from kissing, apart from being claustrophobic....because honestly, I take a kiss the way I do a plate of delicious long grain basmati rice....Yes! Crispy, long, clean, delicious and definitely not soggy. And by SOGGY, you know some lips appear like they've been soaked in saliva JUICE for 48 hours.....Lol....and the evil kenevil decides to swap your entire face with it. EVIL!!!!!!....buahaha!

For all those, who've been SCARED to complain about those disgusting kisses you hate with your partner/love interest .....Well....Yes, I know you LOVE them, Yes, I UNDERSTAND you don't want to hurt them but honestly.....You have to admit they SUCK (literally) and be KIND enough to help them FIX it ....or go through an entire relationship, either AVOIDING being kissed or grudgingly TOLERATING a SLOBBERY smack down.

A GREAT kiss has lots of benefit and can be a SATISFACTORY show of affection or a pre-amble to more INTIMACY.....If both parties know how to KISS. But we all tend to forget and sometimes under-estimate the POWER of kissing. And in most relationships and marriage, it's fading because people FOCUS way less on how to kiss and more on how to give just great SEX, forgetting that a partner who doesn't TRUST you with their mouth, will hardly trust you with their HEART. Here's a basic 101 of how to KISS LIKE A MONSTER.... Hahahah.

#1) You can put out some SUBTLE signals to hint  that you're angling for a kiss without coming right out and saying it.

#2) Get caught looking (briefly) at the other person's lips. Make your mouth APPEALING. Use a chapstick or lipgloss to smooth over flaky lips, and keep your breath fresh with mints or spray before even attempting.

#3) Break the kiss barrier (optional). If you're feeling brave, TEST the waters with a small kiss on the HAND or the CHEEK. If the other person seems interested, it's probably safe to proceed with a kiss on the mouth.

#4) If you're kissing a WOMAN: Take her HAND and slowly lift it to your mouth. Gently press your lips into the back of her hand for 2 or 3 seconds before breaking away. 

b) If you're kissing a MAN: Lean in and plant a 2- or 3-second kiss on his CHEEKS. If you want your intentions to be extra clear, aim for the part of his cheek just to the SIDE of his lips.

#5) Set the mood with a ROMANTIC compliment. Go big and pay the other person the sincerest COMPLIMENT you can think of. If you get it right, the other person might take the lead and LEAN in to kiss you.

#6) Say it in an INTIMATE way. Lower the tone of your voice slightly, and lock eyes. Not only does this communicate that you have deep feelings for this person, it ENTICES him or her to come closer to hear you.
Focus on an ALLURING quality. Even if you truly think that your date is an amazing football player or actor, now might not be the best time to bring it up. Instead, BASE your compliment on how you see your date as a romantic PARTNER. 

Here are some possibilities you can try:

a) "You are SO beautiful/handsome."
b) "Your eyes drive me crazy."
c) "I love to see you smile."
d) "I can't even believe I'm lucky enough to be with you right now."

#7) If all else fails, go for broke and state your INTENTION. If your date hasn't picked up on any of your hints and you're dying to lock lips, you might as well be straightforward and just ASK if you can kiss him or her. Don't worry, though — you can be direct while still being romantic and compelling. 

Try these phrases if you're at a loss for words:

a) "I'd love nothing more than to kiss you right now."
b) "I'm sorry if this is too forward, but I'd really like to kiss you."
c) "I want to kiss you so much that it is just about killing me."

Go in for the KISS. Don't waste any time once you have the go-ahead — close your eyes, lean in and smooch!.

#8) Keep your lips soft. Tense puckers are for family members or people you're obligated to kiss, but keeping your mouth slightly parted and soft COMMUNICATE a sense of openness.

#9) Do a few soft kisses. Start slow with soft, GENTLE kisses and skip the tongue and the teeth — for now until your partner seems receptive.

#10) Try to avoid letting your lips SMACK. The sound can be distracting, and might break your IMMERSION in the moment. If you do find yourself smacking, slow down and part your lips a bit more.

#11) Stay LIGHT at first. Avoid smashing your lips against your partner/date  mouth — for now. Kissing softly and gently gives the other person the chance to stop if it's uncomfortable, as well as allowing you to GUAUGE his or her interest.

#12) Stay at a MANAGEABLE level of saliva. Slobbery puppies are the last thing you want your date thinking of while you kiss him or her. Avoid this fate by swallowing EXCESS saliva occasionally. If you notice that your lips are a bit too wet, pull away and DISCRETELY purse them to bring the extra spit back into your mouth.

#13) "Lock" lips. If your initial kisses have gone well, try a lip lock, which can lead to closer kisses (and is a nice gateway for a more intimate kiss. Basically, you'll "STACK" your lips so that (for instance) it looks like this:

a) Your lower lip
b) Your partner's lower lip
c) Your upper lip
d) Your partner's upper lip

#14) At first, putting your date's lower lip BETWEEN yours is the safest bet. Most people have larger lower lips, making them easier to grab gently with your lips.

#15) Make sure to BREATHE. Ideally, you'll be able to breathe softly through your nose while you're kissing. If that's not possible, though, break away for a second to take a breath.

#16) Don't feel self-conscious about being out of breath or needing to take a BREAK for a second. Breathing hard is an indication that you're nervous and excited, which your partner might find flattering.

#17) Use your HANDS. Don't just let your hands hang at your sides like limp noodles. Hahahah — put them to good use!

#18) Place your hands lightly on your partner's shoulders or around his or her waist. Take the intimacy up a notch by PULLING your partner in closer.

#19) Put your hands on the sides of his or her FACE, using your thumb to sweep across the CHEEKBONE, or put one hand under his or her chin and tilt it upward.

#19) Another seriously sensual move is to put both hands around the back of your partner's HEAD and tangle them in his or her hair, gently pulling.

#20) Test using your TONGUE. Once you're in a lip lock with your partner's lower lip between both of yours, lightly run the tip of your tongue over it. If you can move it SLOWLY, even better.

#21) See how your partner responds. If he or she presses in closer or returns the gesture, you're probably clear to keep increasing the INTENSITY of the kiss. If your date pulls away, maybe it's best to pull back the tongue for now and stick to lips-only kisses.

#22) Sweep your tongue along the INSIDE of your partner's lower lip (not outside o). Try to move slowly and lightly at first, increasing speed and pressure only if your partner seems to respond well.

#23) Use very light, darting MOTIONS and keep your tongue moving — letting it sit limply in your partner's mouth isn't appealing and will bring a quick end to the kissing. Try deeper and harder strokes only if your partner seems responsive.

#24) Mix it up. Don't feel OBLIGATED to keep the intensive tongue activity going forever. Alternate soft and hard, slow and fast, deep and shallow. You can even go back to using only your lips for a few minutes.

#25) Alternating your technique will keep your partner from being able to PREDICT what's coming next. Maintaining this sense of surprise and spontaneity helps your kisses avoid becoming stale.

Increase the intensity with occasional breaks. PULL away for a moment to look into your partner's eyes, WHISPER something in his or her ear, or simply catch your breath and marvel at your good fortune.

If you're a man in a relationship, I will say it's usually SAFER to always let the woman direct the pace and control the INTENSITY of a kiss. Men are aggressive by nature and lots of women respond negatively to aggressive kissing. If she wants more FIRE, let her light it herself and pay ATTENTION to what she likes.

Don't feel entitled....A kiss is not something you get simply because you're in a relationship. Its a prize you have to earn....if you've churned down my BASICS...then go ahead and Kiss like a Monster.....Aaaaarghhh! To be Continued.....

Have A Terrific Throw-Back Thursday Lovelies. Kisses!

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