Tuesday, 6 May 2014

If Being Second-Hand Is A Crime....I'm Guilty!

When I'm looking for some real time COMIC relief....I check out some of my favourite blogs to read comments....it was during one of those early morning calls, I STUMBLED on an article.... Something about Nigerian Female Celebrities loving second hand HUSBANDS. Okay, I didn't even bother to read the original article until the replies came with singer, Tiwa Savage and her husband spitting FIRE....and yes, my attention went straight to the troupe of comments...(my favourite guilty pleasure, and oh! hear me cackle like crazy).  As I read what represents for me the MENTALITY of the average African. Some intelligent, some ignorant and others downright stupid.

Okay, I'm not going to share what I think about Etcetera's writing skills or his COMMUNICATION style (everyone is free to share their opinions however hideous)....I'm not even going to knock Tiwa's somewhat TARDY response (after all it's her Instagram, not mine). I'm simply going to stay on SUBJECT....So hey, here it is... If being a SECOND-HAND lover is a crime....Then, I'm guilty! Sue Me....hahahah.

I trust my people to take an ARTICLE and interprete it however they like, without asking themselves where the MESSAGE is. And honestly I failed to take away any CONCRETE message from that article other than the fact that some claimed he was telling the truth.  What is this TRUTH? Abeg, truth is RELATIVE from wherever side of the fence you are standing. Still I'm thinking, where is the message? What exactly was he going on about? Was he saying it was a bad thing to be an OBJECT of 'choice' after a failed relationship? Was he saying that Nigerian Actresses/Celebrities deliberately go out of their way to pick potential partners from FAILED relationships or that their MOTIVES are negative? Or that they or their partners have no RIGHT at another shot at HAPPINESS? Biko, what exactly was he saying....because asking people to create their own list of these supposed guilty celebrities didn't make much SENSE to me. Iya Basira who used to do my laundry 4 years ago has been married 3 times and she was wife no 3 to hubby number 2. She's not a celebrity...and I can mention so many others like her. But, how is that even my BUSINESS? I bow o...

I'm not saying whether it is right or not for someone to STEAL someone else's man or woman....But, let's be very HONEST. No one except the two people involved in a relationship truly understand the DYNAMICS of what went on or went WRONG in their RELATIONSHIP . And honestly, any man or woman who doesn't want to be SNATCHED will NOT be snatched...Because relationships are for grown adults, not kids. So perhaps it's best to FOCUS all anger and disappointment at the 'party' who is supposed to be LOYAL...not the one who isn't 'obligated' to care about our feelings. 

Okay, I love to use MYSELF as an example merging his 'second-hand' THEORY. Four years ago, I MARRIED a second hand husband....(yes, i knew he had been married before and separated with 2 kids a few years before I met him). We started something and I was willing to BUILD a future....it did not MATTER to me that another woman and 2 beautiful kids had been in the PICTURE (I'm way too enlightened and mature for small minded issues... plus my heart is way too big with love to afford any hatred) All I knew was that whatever was RESPONSIBLE for the failure of that marriage didn't come from me.... and I extended my love to his ex and her children.....Fast forward, that marriage didn't last and I'm SINGLE again, NOT because of my 'inability' to keep a marriage nor because I chose an already USED man (and oh! I'm still friendly with his ex wife)....but because the REALITIES of relationships are way deeper than our FICKLE minds can FATHOM and sometimes 'separation' is the best solution to save whatever SANITY and possible 'self value' is left. Now, my FAMOUS  third-hand ex husband, found another first hand wife (I'm glad) and the MEDIA and some friends kept calling and sending messages to get a wind of my REACTION. I was quiet then...since I didn't have a PUBLIC wedding, I chose not to have a public separation. (And lord, knows I wish them all the best). Are you saying that because my FIRST marriage didn't WORK and I have a child I should be STIGMATISED as a second hand product....that no one should touch? Or that any 'good man' who finds the COURAGE to accept me and my beautiful child should have to suffer the rancour of such foolish IDEOLOGY. Infact, any man who thinks he can't see a future with me because another man had once placed his RING on my finger or that my son was spun out of  that SPERM, is exactly the kind of small-minded man I do not NEED. 

However we've all heard a FATHER isn't the sperm donor but the one who raises a child with love....and it never fails to IRK me why silly theories like these are some of the reasons for so much HATRED in the world... with all the cyber BULLYING some of my colleagues have had to ENDURE. And let me be straight up NAUGHTY, I'm yet to find a PRICK who didn't want a CUNT because another prick has been there....  Hahahah.... So what's the big bloody deal if you think someone found LOVE in a hopeless place?

I mean, if you are not a VIRGIN....then there's nothing brand new about you and you've lost all MORAL rights to judge who or what another person deserves. Wouldn't I rather CHOOSE a man who once had a few solid relationships and a failed marriage TO the single  available brother who is sleeping with Talia, Dora, Henrietta and every friggin OMO-TA whose legs stay open.  Lol. Or how any man, can even think the-never-been-married lady that has ABORTED 6 pregnancies is a much solid/better woman... than the jilted 'single mother' who is working tirelessly to RAISE her child... Aha! This is the number one reason why boko haram still exists. People aren't just thinking with their BRAINS anymore.

Haven't you tried buying a new product that packed up a week after...and whilst trying to REPLACE the faulty parts, the 'technician' would advice you to buy a FAIRLY-USED part as it's more durable and preferable to the brand new ones. Ehen! See....

Afterall, all second hand was one time, brand NEW. Everyone deserves a second chance with SOMEONE who makes them forget their heart was ever BROKEN. Or the one who shows them why 'A BIG HEART' is a big deal and why it never worked out with others in the first place. And, smacking truth be told, the next man I marry... will be taking home the GRAND PRIZE because he'll be taking a refined woman whose edges have been POLISHED by the wisdom of failure. For I wouldn't be the woman I am today, if I didn't GROW from the things I experienced in my past relationships. 

So once again, if being second hand is a crime, then I'm GUILTY as charged!

Have A Terrific Tuesday Lovelies! Kisses!

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