Wednesday, 19 March 2014

What Every Real Man Wants In A Woman....

My father used to say that to remember something...one has to either write it down or teach someone else...and that has been my working tool ever since. I wrote a post 2 days ago about THE QUEEN-BITCH EVERY REAL MAN NEEDS...and it somehow miraculously climbed up to become one of my popular posts. Whilst the women who read it might be swinging their 'bras' in the air in complete solidarity for one another, I can imagine the men rolling their eyes clutching their precious penis in fear of what's to happen (Alex-The-Sell-Out-Queen-Bitch). Hehehe.

I made it clear that a Queen-Bitch is not a bitch because she had a bad day... She's a BITCH because she is a PRINCIPLED woman, who lives by the values she holds true. In other words I'm just a strong confident woman who acknowledges her values even as I'm shamelessly cheer-leading for the MEN TEAM. And I believe that particular post was just as VALUABLE to MEN, if not more so than to women....Relationships are not the best they can be unless both parties are constantly striving towards growth and healing in their lives. I think sometimes it’s easy for women to see the DEFICITS and needs in the men around us, while never fully acknowledging the 'need' for growth in our own lives.

What it means is that, just like women are not satisfied in defining a real man by his muscles and sex drive, REAL MEN are also shifting their perception of what they want in a woman. I see a class of new men rising up, who in their MATURITY and discernment understand that BOOBS and SEX 'appeal' have no value in the equation of a healthy and meaningful marriage/relationship. Now, I'm going to share with my ladies WHAT A REAL MAN WANTS IN A WOMAN and believe me, I only figured it out myself not so long ago...so not to worry, I'm just as rusty. Hehehe.

Now every man is different but there are certain things about a woman that will make most men take notice, STAND UP and decide to connect with you on a deeper level. If you want to win a real man’s heart, you need to know what makes a man go from just casually dating you to wanting and needing you to be an INTEGRAL part of his life. 

And I'm not talking about a Mummy's-Boy-The-Tyrese-Baby-Boy-Down-On-His-Luck-Still-Trying-To-Have-Fun-Insecure-Irresponsible-Unstable-Committment-Phobic-Kind-Of-Man (seems harsh, but you can't deny the existence of these types). I’m talking about a real man – who is mature and grounded on a mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual level. A QUALITY man who is open to growing on a deep personal level and is looking for a real relationship.

So what does a mature, REAL man want in a woman?

#1) A Real Man Wants A Woman Who Is Real:- It’s sometimes hard to believe that being 'real' is attractive to men. I think it’s easy for us women to look at the billboards and magazines that fill our minds with air-brushed pictures of beauties and enhanced bodies and that makes us think that being 'real' looks less attractive . But I’ve found that real men are attracted to a woman who is just as comfortable in her natural self. (I've been told many times that I’m most beautiful in my natural state: even before the makeup, the hair, and the fashion has taken away or added its enhancement, which is why I rarely make up or wear very little, when I'm not going to a huge event/function). There is something RAW about the natural beauty of a woman that far exceeds the plastic version of ourselves that we women strive for and believe in.

STILL men are not simply looking for a woman who is only real with her 'appearance', but one who is REAL with who she is, what she wants, what she likes and what she is about. They want a woman to be fully herself…personality, quirks, deficits and all.  These are the things that make you unique and set you apart from every other woman.

#2) A Real Man Wants A Woman Who Is Playful:- (Take it from an ex ice-queen with a poker face...ME...hehehe) No man really wants you to be that serious. I mean I recently realised that most men really like it when I'm harmlessly flirtatious or I playfully tease them about their goofs or when I'm sarcastic about a silly male interest or just generally playful or child-like. Even my son, Ray loves it when I'm goofy...and its not because he's a child...(Try the same thing with a female toddler and see how she rolls her eyes at you with a straight face...Yes ke). So apparently there's something SEXY about a 'Happy Woman' that drives men wild and invites them into a deeper level of CONNECTION.

Men love to play and be active. They were raised to express themselves and connect with others through ACTION. Unfortunately, most of us, women seem to forget this and want to talk our way into his heart. But the truth is SIMPLE. It’s not your words that makes a man attracted to you, it’s the EXPERIENCES you create with him. And I don't mean something 'playful' by giving his dick a pet name like "little tweeny" or having a meaningful conversation with IT like its oompha lumpha, mickey mouse or you're in the muppet show. Hahaha.

I mean something adult and within his taste like watching or playing sports together (or if you hate watching like me...try exercising together. Nothing like taking power-walks together or letting him count for you as you show him you are better than him at stomach crunch or squats...wink), be competitive in casual games like ping pong (well, I tried beating an ex once to a game of checkers...without success ofcourse, but I bet he found it interesting that we were playing a board game in the trunk of my car while sipping vodka with mango at the mechanic workshop)– just throw a little teasing or if you are a sour-puss, a little sarcasm here and there – and you’ll really ramp up his interest.

#3) A Real Man Wants A Woman Who Is Independent:- Too many women mistakenly believe that men are looking for a 'weaker' woman who will make them feel like they are smarter and more powerful. I only recently found out as well, that nothing could be FARTHER from the truth. I mean, I come across different men everyday who are simply INTRIGUED that I write all these silly thoughts they secretly consider valuable, and are just 'amazed' at how driven and passionate I am about excelling in my career.

A real man wants a woman who INSPIRES him because she has great things going on, in her own life. They want a woman who has her own PURPOSE other than just being in a relationship with him. A real man isn’t intimidated by a woman's independence and success. What matters to him is that a woman still has space in her life for the relationship and is grounded enough to be PRESENT and INVOLVED whenever she’s with him.

I believe the best way to show this to a man is to stay BUSY in your own life and not suddenly make him your universe. Don’t drop your own interests, responsibilities, and friends just to hang around him 24/7.  But, when you are with him, really BE with him – have fun and give your attention to him and whatever it is both of you are doing together.

#4) A Real Man Wants A Woman Who Is Confident:- There is something about CONFIDENCE that exudes beauty and attraction to a man, in fact to anyone including us, women. A woman who is confident knows who she is and what she BELIEVES...and holds on to that in her interactions with others (Aha! Doesn't this remind you of the Queen-Bitch). She believes in herself, and knows that she is VALUABLE standing alone.  She’s not defined by her 'relationship' status, her physical appearance, or her sex appeal.  She doesn’t buy into the lies that her VALUE is dependent on what she does- but rather, WHO she is.  Because a woman of confidence is AWARE that her value is rooted in nothing else but her growth and her principles.

#5) A Real Man Wants A Woman Who Is Emotionally Mature: (Ha! I just flashed back 7 years ago...When, I didn't know much about reigning in my emotions. Those were the days I wanted to address every single hurt I felt...and even though I was just a young lady who didn't know much about how to react or effectively communicate my thoughts, I haven't stopped being the 'she-devil'-a.k.a DRAMA QUEEN he painted to everyone back then... Now...don't get me wrong, I still love to express myself and address issues...but in a calmer more composed manner) If a man cares for a woman, eventually there’s going to be a situation where both parties will have their differences and misunderstand each other.

A woman who responds with maturity and doesn't always blame or criticize a man for what she’s feeling, but shares her feelings in an HONEST and AUTHENTIC way... that helps him better UNDERSTAND her will be very attractive to him. How a woman handles her emotions is one of the most important things men secretly look out for in a woman (I learned the hard way...Lol.)  If she lets her emotions get out of control like a loose canon on steroids, this is a big RED FLAG. On the other hand, if she can express her feelings to him in a calm, not overtly dramatic manner, she will win his RESPECT and make him feel, she’s the kind of woman that will make a great PARTNER.  He’ll see that she can handle things with a cool head and she indeed has a 'Presence of Mind'.

#6) A Real Man Wants A Woman He Can Connect With On A Spiritual Level: Hey! Don't roll your eyes...I didn't say RELIGIOUS, I said spiritual level and even that can be interlaced. I believe most men want a woman who shares similar ideology when it comes to spirituality whether it is their religious influence or cultural beliefs. A man wants a woman who is spiritually aware and present, no matter what their religion is whether Christian, Islam, Jew, Hindu, Buddhist, Sango, Ifa or Rastafarian etc. (I personally know as a young christian woman, a real christian man will look out for signs that you share similar faith in his God or you are atleast open minded to seeking/learning and appreciating his ideology and beliefs... and that his woman in fact have a keen 'Presence Of Mind'.

#7) A Real Man Wants A Woman He’s Intensely Attracted To: I hear Men aren’t as scared of commitment and relationships as they are scared of being in a relationship with a woman where there is no PASSION and ATTRACTION. To have passion means to allow ones heart and life to be guided by things that are MEANINGFUL, invested in things that are good, and living a life that is purposeful. A real man wants a woman who attracts him PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, INTELLECTUALLY and SEXUALLY enough to keep him completely invested in her. This means having his goals, dreams, and values propelled and tied to her. 

Most men will tell you that it’s important for them to be attracted to their significant other. The problem with this is that sometimes we as women MISINTERPRETE this to think that the way to a man’s heart is by achieving 'super-model' status.  We beat ourselves up emotionally, physically, and mentally trying to fit into a mold that we are not.  I believe 'attraction'- to a real man, is more than physical appearance.  I’ve met tons of men who are completely turned off by gorgeous women who are just hollow or brain-dull on the inside.

Real men are looking for a woman who displays true beauty, a beauty that resonates with kindness, compassion, humor, strength, love, joy, and generosity.  Believe it or not, real men are more interested in the size of a woman’s heart and mind than the size of her WAIST (even if all he wants to do all day is wrap his hands around your waist) . It’s ironic then, that our society pressures women into keeping their focus on the external things that matter very little. Hence we accidentally kill the attraction men might be feeling by either trying too hard to get him to stay, or by acting like the relationship is too serious, way too soon (okay, we've all been guilty one way or another).

#8) A Real Man Wants A Woman He Can Trust :- If you didn't know that men are big on LOYALTY... abeg let me ask, which rock have you been living under? Lol. A real man wants a good woman he can trust and count on. He needs to know that your YES means 'Yes'...and NO isn't something that sounds like "Hello". Hahaha...I mean if you tell him, you only 'kissed' your driver once or that you and that attractive colleague of yours only got to second base, nothing more...hehehe...he should know HIS 'woman' will never keep the TRUTH from him. Don't let him think when you say you are PREGNANT, you have mysteriously switched your birth control pills for multi-vitamins just to TRAP him or when you ask for a little financial aid, he's double-checking cause you've been known to SCAM your way up the success ladder...and every word that comes out of your mouth are lines from a movie script you've been ACTING your entire life. Hian! Every real man wants a woman who's trustworthy... and that doesn't mean just being 'honest' but also being RELIABLE as well. He needs to trust that he can 'count' on you whenever he NEEDS your support and direction. He needs to know that if he unfortunately goes down on his luck, you won't mysteriously abscond with your childhood friend who suddenly became a commissioner or if he was confined to a wheel chair you will still love him just as much as you loved the first moment you saw his K-Legs. Lol. There's nothing more meaningful to a man than knowing he's in love with a woman he TRUSTS maybe even more than himself or atleast has his best interest at heart.

So to my Real Fellas out there, if I left out anything...Please feel free to CHIP it in the comment box...And Oh! Ladies...If You are the kind of Woman I described, then #whadeheck ...Go grab your Man BITCHES! Hahahah.

Have A Wonderful Wednesday Lovelies...And don't forget to share this post. Kisses!

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