Monday, 17 March 2014

The Queen-Bitch Every Real Man Needs...

Hello Lovelies, hope you had a great weekend? Well, mine was a pool of revelation. While I was reading my friend Ashionye's Celebrity Guest Post again, I finally figured out the kind of woman a real man deserves...and I mean in the most realistic way (let's leave out all the cheesy books and magazines that tell you to screw him 20 times a day in a yoga position or cook his favourite meal with love, dot all over him, leave your cum in his mouth, or your panties as his pocket square and all the other silly tricks women have been brainwashed to believe) okay, I totally made these up, but you know what I mean right? hahahah. Men will just be men, right? Hmmm...

A male friend recently accused me of being a FEMINIST, even though I don't consider myself to be one, I don't see what's wrong in being that (my sister Chimamanda Adichie will agree...Yes o!). I do think though, that the word is a man's 'derogatory' way of referring to a woman with a keen 'Presence of Mind'.

In a brief conversation with an older male friend I ran into last week, he tried asking casually, what had happened to my 'short-lived' marriage...That's one question that always tends to leave me speechless. I mean how do you brush off a genuine thoughtful question...and how do you answer honestly without making yourself look like the VICTIM and the other person like the devil's incarnate. You dig? So I smile and say 'nothing happened' (my usual cool answer)...then he smiled and chipped in on my behalf "you were both incompatible" and I nodded my head like a pretty agama lizard in mute agreement. Hahahah! What a wise man. Lol.

Then he went in for the kill... "Anyway, I didn't even know you both got married until I saw a tabloid story on you. I didn't think you should have.... At least, not him. I know you Alex, you are too strong a woman, with two of your feet planted firmly on the ground. You know who you are and what you want and that will scare most men because most men are afraid of strong confident women."
Hmmm...the...brief pause...then he added... "Strong women like you will make the average man insecure, women like you need strong men who are confident, wise and exposed." Gbagaun! Bell rings...Aha! There it is...THE TRUTH...and it smells like my favourite Banga soup. Hmmm, i agree...(Now, I understand why I have a lot of respect for this man...Rare male genes) hehehe!

Okay, I do not apologise for knowing who I am, what I want or what I'm worth and I certainly won't apologise for any man's insecurity or weakness around me. And I don't think any woman like me should either. I do not consider myself a feminist because I believe I also cheer-lead for the 'Men Team' and I do want them to WIN regardless, but not at the expense of our 'womanly' dignity because I recognise how women are being treated and how much men undermine women. So if a good strong confident woman is labeled a FEMINIST simply because she has values that she expects every man to live up to and refuses to lower her standards just to fit in, then so be it.
I mean, any man who knows me well can not say, 'Alex' isn't respectful, kind, tolerant, loving, generous, amiable, hard-working, attentive, intelligent, beautiful and yes, HONEST...(I would leave bragging about my kitchen and bedroom skills to your imagination...but just so you know, I always aim for A+) he he he. So if I presume that I'm all of these things (okay let's include 'stubborn' and sometimes 'impatient') and I know it. Is it much of a wonder that I should carry myself with confidence and pride? Note I said 'pride' not 'arrogance'. Shouldn't I behave like the queen that I am?... Because I know that I would be valuable to any King I'm fortunate to be blessed with.

Hence we can now marry the terms: Confident Woman a.k.a The Queen a.k.a The Feminist a.k.a The Bitch...Yes The Bitch (and you know that's what they secretly call you once your men can't get their way with you....Hahaha). Thanks to my closest girlfriend Nthenya, she first blessed me early last year with an E-Copy of Sherry Argov's book "Why Men Love Bitches" which I in good turn shared with a few other female friends and then I stumbled in traffic miraculously on "Why Men Marry Bitches" and reading it only further proved what I already suspected and had learned the hard way...lol. But if there was one thing it ever did for me...Well, it helped me embrace "The Bitch" inside of me, and I'm loving it. Why? Because I've been the 'pretty miss nice' who over-compensated but still never got anything worthy for that (and let's be honest, playing 'miss nice' is boring. Men don't marry 'perfect'...perfect is boring. Men marry 'interesting' and only 'interesting' holds their attention FOREVER). I believe a bitch is an interesting piece of work and I would like to think of a BITCH as a (B)abe (I)n (T)otal (C)ontrol of (H)erself...Though Sherry's definition is thus;

Bitch (noun): "A woman who won't BANG her head against the wall obsessing over someone else's opinion - be it a man or anyone else in her life. She understands that if someone does not approve of her, it's just one person's opinion; therefore, it's of no real importance. She doesn't try to live up to anyone else's standards - only her own. Because of this, she relates to a man very differently... even if he's a king". Now I think every man wants to be treated as a KING. And the truth is that every King needs a Queen...actually I think every King needs a 'Queen-Bitch'. RIGHT! No longer are queens, women in beautiful ball gowns sitting pretty for their maid servant to tend to their every need whilst they wait behind the cubicle on all fours (doggy style) on the kings every whim. Lol.

The Modern Day Queen Bitch for me is a ballsy replica of India's Queen Jodha Bai (thanks to my love for indian soap operas. Hahaha)...armed with bows and arrows and can use a sword, shot-gun, maybe has a black belt in Tae-kwan-do or can throw a few punches if need be...(Not literally) lol. What I mean is that a woman needs to be a soldier. She needs to be STRONG, CONFIDENT, BRAVE, WISE and capable of 'supporting' her man...and having his back during battle, especially when he needs back-up in time of war. And by war, I mean the numerous day to day challenges we all encounter in the journey of life.

Many men lack the basic equipment to be in a relationship, I mean their attention span is worse than my 3 year old toddler and there's nothing the average woman can do to change it. But a Queen-Bitch will make him sit up tight like he's been chewing on viagra. Lol. Truly powerful people don't explain why they want RESPECT. They simply don't engage someone who doesn't give it to them. When we meet someone who is truly great, the person makes us believe we can be great, too. This is the kind of relationship everyone DESIRES, and it's the only kind of relationship worth having. In fact its the 'actual' kind that the Queen Bitch gives a man. She makes him 'realise' he can be great and that having her on his arm is added VALUE to his winning streak and she proves it.

A Queen Bitch is an independent thinker at all times, she ignores anyone who attempts to define her in a 'limiting' way. She's decides how she wants to be treated, chooses what she will or will not tolerate and she leaves...YES! if she doesn’t get the 'value' of what she puts in. She's not AFRAID to let a man see that she's happy with him but she can be just as happy having 'nothing at all' to do with him. She instinctively knows that if a man doesn't RESPECT her opinion, he won't respect her. She also knows that there's nothing more prized to a man than something he had to wait for, work for, or struggle a little bit to get. She knows with a woman he's crazy about, he will put in all the overtime in the world. No excuses, no complaints. He'll do anything for her, he'll be considerate, he'll want to please her, he'll try to cheer her up if she was down, and he will enjoy every moment spent in her company because she is the person he values most....

Her happiness. her health, her emotional stability are what comprises the measuring stick for her relationships and she doesn't care what a man thinks of her -- until he 'demonstrates' to her that he CARES about making her happy or else winning him over and trying to make him happy will have no real benefits to her in the long run. A Queen-Bitch is a complete solid woman whether 'single or married', who's not afraid to love a good man and go over the moon and back for his crazy butt... but will not think twice about KISSING his flat behind 'goodbye' if he messes up... Because she knows success in love isn't about looks or words, it's about his 'attitude' and the most attractive quality of all, will forever be her DIGNITY.

Have A Magnificent Monday Lovelies! Kisses

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