Wednesday, 12 March 2014

POMPEII....O Chineke!!

Hmmm...where do I start from? Okay, so an old friend wanted to drag me out to go see a movie. Since it was my birthday and honestly my social status has been a complete F9 since I had Ray...(I'm not blaming my son...I'm just saying. Lol)

Naturally in typical Alex fashion. I agreed and then cancelled. Hahaha. Not fair, I know... But dragging my perky butt anywhere other than work hasn't been an attractive idea lately....But I'm gradually working on getting myself back in to the social grind...Thanks to all the many invitations I am now forced to honour.

So anyway I eventually went out to see a movie with my dear friend who believes he is a movie buff and makes his movie choices based on said popular reviews (need I add that I think those reviews are word of mouth pretty much on nothing than other people's bad personal taste...hahaha). Well, he went on about this bad-ass historian flick 'POMPEII' he had been dying to see...hian! I would never pay to see that sorta movie in a cinema but #whadeheck...its free! I'm not spending my doe...so my complaints aren't valid...atleast for the options of making the right pick.

We go in and I'm blessed with a preview of a soon to be released Nollywood movie "RENDER TO CEASER" and I spot a bit of my very talented friends Bimbo Manuel, Omoni Oboli, Kalu Ikeagwu and co in it...and I'm thinking I'll rather be watching this... Then the opening credits of POMPEII start rolling and I'm thinking...oh wow! This is going to be interesting...seems like I'm really going to enjoy this (sigh of relief).

I am not a movie critic (abeg where is Tope Alake and the rest of 'em critics). I'm just a Television Actress with an eye and a sound mind...but even as a mere audience...whilst I loved looking into the somewhat smouldering eyes of the cute lead Actor Kit Harrington whom I hear is in (Game of Thrones...) and his amazing body or if you enjoy 6 feet-plus of hot chocolate...then Adewale Akinnuoye Agbaje is your man candy (I must say my eyes kept roving down his toned thighs, I can bet his buttocks is just as tight as his jaw) and I'll rather be running my fingers down his imaginary bare sweaty brown skin. Chei! (Fanning myself) "Atticus and Milo", una fu go ife! Yes, I love hot looking men and I will not apologise for it. Hahahah.

Ehen! Back to the real matter. So I'm watching this 3D-Historical Disaster movie that seems like a cheezy combination of the movie "Gladiator" and James Cameron's "Titanic" except the flood has been exchanged for a volcano. Hahahah...And yes I laughed quite a bit with the rest of the audience...except I was really laughing at the corny impression of some rather 'cliche' lines. I swear, I almost believed that Keifer Sutherland (the guy from '24' series) was PUNKING us all with his performance. Actually, I think Keifer, Kit, Agbaje...the entire cast plus the DIRECTOR must be having a damn good laugh at our expense.

I mean its funny when a British African has to fake an African accent and ends up sounding like he's got 'hot poundo-yam' in his mouth. Or the on-screen attraction between Kit and Emily browning that took place in 2 minutes and blossomed in 24 hours was a simple mimicry of a 'kindagarten play-date'. I mean how does anyone even watch a film where all the Actors are 'upstaged' by a bloody VOLCANO...with the eruption of Mount Vesuvius spewing endless shower of fiery 'asteroids' trailed by smoky plumes — and an apocalyptic show of fireworks that take down the entire city. Hian! The movie came across to me like a dusty relic with a ruthlessly rote romance that seemed nothing short of a bad foreplay leading up to a tragedy.

Even though I didn't want my 'Atticus' to die, the 'best part' for me was the rather EPIC ending...hahahah...Even, my friend Olu agrees. After all the merry-go-round...trust me, you'll be grateful it only lasts 104 minutes...but hey! Don't take my word for it, go see it and let me know what you think. Thank goodness for the glass of 'long island' cocktail, I am able to wash down some of my disappointment...with hands a top my head singing POMPEII...O CHINEKE! Hian! I shall rest my case o. Lol.

Enjoy The Rest Of Your Wednesday Lovelies! Kisses!

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