Wednesday, 5 March 2014

Is It Insecurity Posing As Attention?!

There was a time when calling me 25 times a day, asking where I am, who I'm with, what I'm doing seemed like LOVE to me. But really what did I even know?! Some spark of jealousy or a little show of possessiveness were the evidence I needed to remind myself that there was some quality affection right there...hahaha... Again, what did I know then?

I used to have this ex (abeg don't ask me who...Lol). He would call me and keep calling until I picked up my phone, always wanting to know every single detail of my activities. Where I am? Who I'm with...if I was with a man (Ye! Kasala!) If I was with a woman (Chai! Wahala) just as long as I wasn't with him or I wasn't alone.... I was up to something shady no matter who or how important/platonic/random or far from the truth it was. I was simply his enemy about to betray his trust that very moment. Hahahah. You start to think "oh damn! He's jealous. He loves me a lot...I'm so bloody lucky) Ewoo! Are you a Mumu? Can't you read the fine prints, all of that is just INSECURITY posing as ATTENTION. Hian!

The effect of his degree of paranoia got to the point that everyone became a suspect...even my family members. Now if you ever call me and the first thing you say to me is "Alex, where are you?" I swear I'm leaving whatever I'm doing to hunt you and shove your bloody phone down your throat. Lol...Yes na! Seriously! Think about it! That question gives me an annoying chill. Why would you call someone and the first you say is a quiz about their present location! Na wa o. What happened to "how are you?" "Good morning" "Are you okay?" "What's up?" Or any other form of pleasantries? So you see, the signs were there...but I ignored it thinking maybe I was being a little too analytical, perhaps it was a bit of my fault. Maybe I'm too free-spirited, I needed to give him more assurance...marriage will change things...Oh yes! It did...BUT for the WORSE...And then came the isolation, the verbal and emotional abuse...the threats...and the manipulation.

Here's what, INSECURITY is a feeling of being emotionally unstable, guarded, lack of confidence or a constant need for assurance, an intense feeling of self doubt (almost like that of a 4 year old child)...and no matter what another person says or does...its nothing much to do with the external circumstances around the person, its an internal feeling of inadequacy and its their own personal battle to be won. Still it affects everyone around, but especially those who are close.

The cycles of negativity we get ourselves into are tremendously destructive. We all have a MASTERS degree in 'defeatism', and thrive off of the abuse we inflict on our minds and bodies – always searching, but never really finding what it is we are going after. The problem is that we are too often chasing PERFECTION rather than striving for continual improvement.

If perfection is what you are looking for, you are never going to find it because it is unattainable. Regardless of what you may deem “perfection” now, that image will change when and if you reach it. So then you have to ask yourself again: what is it you are after, and why it stirs up in different fragments that confuses us from recognising it. Ever wondered why a dark skin lady bleaches her skin to the point she becomes almost an albino. Well, she knows that light women get attention...and she wants that ATTENTION but what people don't realise is the degree of insecurity she felt in her own natural birth colour...or is the guy who is obsessed with a lady, he's found a way to make himself relevant by wiggling his way into her life and dotting on her every move and decision so as to feel adequate, needed or some-what loved.

Or the woman who feels she's in competition with every woman for her partner. Her fixation on losing weight, gaining more kitchen skills or scoring an 'A' in the bedroom. Or the presence of EGO the size of Lagos and Texas put together, a little bit of arrogance, where they feel they are more important or should be the most important thing in your life...and your happiness must be tied to them. They prance around with shoulders as high as OLUMO rock, hoping the world notices that they call the shots where you are concerned...or that they wear the pants in the relationship...(yes we know...just pull up ya pants jare...nobody wants to see ya 'butt crack'...He..he...he) in other words, get with the programme. Lol.

If you are insecure or you are doubled up with an insecure partner, then you need to be aware that it is one of the foundations for ABUSE in a relationship, be it physical, mental, sexual, verbal or emotional abuse...Abusive or violent people are majorly insecure people. And it starts with the small signs like these;

1) They ALWAYS want to be with you. Ha! Yes! Really, what they want is to cramp your style and take up every available space you have, so you don't have time for family, friends or to build work relationships.

2) They suffocate you with too much love. Too many verbal "I love you(s)" or verbal appraisal that's standing by waiting for a nice reply...really its their one chance for assurance.

3) They hold you responsible for their happiness or lack of it...in other words, your actions dictate the emotional fence on which they sit.

4) They check on you every 'friggin' chance they get. Like you are government property and they work for homeland security. Hahaha!

5) They switch moods like crazy. You never know whether they will interprete the little dust that got in your eye as a 'wink' at the beautiful lady...or your 'chuckle' at his friends comment as a sign that you are interested in his friend. In other words...they are on guard...you are on guard. What a stiff set up?! Hahaha.

6) They always expect you to look or appear love-struck... Bring out the 'gooey poppy' eyes...Stare into each other eyes looking for the stars and hopefully pray the planet will conspire with your 'divine love' to change the price of fuel and Tomatoes in the market. How na? Lol.

7) They start to isolate you... No more friends, no going out without permission, no family visitations, infact stop working madam...(Oh boy! Seeeee prison)

8) They will constantly remind you of how much sacrifices they make on your behalf...or why you are special and they never do these for anyone else. (All na WASH...no go believe o!)

We all have small degrees of insecurity but when we allow them to grow sprouts and control our lives or the lives of others...we are simply heading for destruction. So don't get carried away...it may all just be INSECURITY posing as ATTENTION. Be Aware! Have a Wonderful Wednesday Lovelies! Kisses!

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