Wednesday, 5 February 2014

Truth...Point of Views...And The Arguments!

I just realised something rather pivotal this morning. People will always stand by their own truth, and truth in itself is relative, simply because we all process things from our individual point of views...sometimes without being aware of other circumstances that might affect or influence our judgment. Still something might be true but it may not be a FACT.

I had a little tiff this morning with a friend I consider special, I was a little dismayed that while engaging in a text conversation last night, he asked me a question, I replied him immediately and I didn't get a reply again till 7 hours after...sometime around 6am, a simple "okay..." (And oh, this isn't the first, second, third or fourth time...that he starts a conversation, goes M.I.A and replies briskly in the morning).

Naturally, in my dismayed front. I said he was the king of asking questions to answers he really wasn't interested in knowing... You know those type who bump into you at the bus-stop. 'The-how-are-you-default-types'...they are programmed to ask how you are doing but actually don't wait for the reply, especially when you are most dying to confide in them.

Ofcourse there was an explanation. He replied me 'Alex you have started....bla, bla, bla, network issues, bla bla bla, Miss Assumpta. Cheers." (Please note the bla, bla...is replacement for the other part of the text that simply didn't register to me much) I picked up on something..."You have started...Miss Assumpta".

I promise that I consider myself a pretty thoughtful analytical mind. I don't just assume things. I process my thoughts and my feelings. I accept I may not always be correct but I'm more right than I am wrong. At least I always think I have a point. Wait! Did I just assume that my friend just called me a "Trouble-maker" who's spoiling for a fight in that reply? I don't think so.

Of course we exchange a few text messages where I explained that I only expressed my observation based on a series of circumstance that appear true to my point of view... And that I duly noted that I'm being passed of as a troublesome woman. You would think a man will borrow some sense and see what the real issue was about and apologise immediately. No!!! There came the teasing, the mocking and what I call the 'escapist jest' in form of tormenting.

How dare he mock me for an issue I consider serious when he never fails to drop hints every chance he gets. He claims I love to argue because it stimulates my mind to no end and keeps my thoughts fresh and airy...and whilst I have no guile admitting that I do love to engage in witty banter. This was clearly not that kind of situation. It was me addressing a long overdue issue I had with him, his own assumption that every time I express myself in truth, I'm spoiling for an argument.

Men are yet to understand that women hear things differently and communicate differently. God made the woman primarily as an 'emotional feeler' who perceives, receives and translates verbal and non-verbal communication as an incubator by processing them in her emotional and mental mind at the 'same time' WHILE the man chiefly is a 'logical thinker' who generally thinks in terms of facts and in a linear fashion...both forgetting the communication difference is meant to compliment each other not drive a wedge.

In design, the brains of female and male are different. The neural pathways between the left and right hemisphere of a woman's brain (both logical and the emotional side) are intact. This allows her to process facts and feelings almost simultaneously. Which explains what puzzles men: how women are able to do multiple tasks at the same time. Her emotions are with her all the time she is thinking, and it influences her perspective on what is communicated to her.

In contrast, there are fewer nerves connecting the two hemisphere of the male brain, so that the logical and emotional sides are not closely connected. Because of this, he basically needs to shift gears to move from his 'dominant' logical mind to his emotional mind. This is why men think like a straight line - the shortest distance between two points (he he he) which gives them the ability to visualise a goal and focus their energies solely on reaching it in the most straight forward and direct way.

Women on the other hand, tend to think more like a grid than a straight line. Her brain is designed to pick up many DETAILS that men don't "see", things that go beyond mere facts such as personalities, motivations, and feelings of both herself and others. She can analyze and evaluate the relationship between x, y, z and coordinate on a grid track a multiple of factors all at the same time.

Communication comes down to feeling, thinking and expressing. Women and men both think and feel but a woman's first natural reaction will generally be an 'emotional one' followed by a thinking one whilst a man's first reaction is a thinking one even if he feels otherwise.

For example, a woman will be looking forward to a planned romantic evening with her husband. She prepares food, sets the table, polishes the silverware, gets hair done, dresses up nicely and meets him at the door when he comes home. Husband walks in, says hello and strides right past her without noticing her new look, instead of going to the table, he goes to the living room, says "I'm going to have dinner in front of the TV while I watch the news" . His mind is still on work mode. He is intent on finding more information that may affect his work and help provide for her and the family #FACT.

However, from her 'point of view', because she unaware of this, she is deeply hurt at his behaviour; her first reaction is to FEEL that he is ungrateful, inconsiderate and totally heartless. Here comes the ARGUMENT...she busts into the living room and approaches him angrily. He asks "What's the matter with you?" At this point she sees nothing complimentary in the way he's designed. When we don't understand our 'purpose' we begin to MIS-INTERPRET motives. And its this 'suspicion' that creates conflict. She took his indifference personally, while he was too preoccupied with what he was 'thinking' to even NOTICE what she was 'feeling'

Some men are yet to understand that when a woman keeps reiterating a point, perhaps she's desperately seeking him to circle that point and address it before it gets out of hand and becomes a major issue. Of course you can playfully call a woman FAT once and she may laugh at your joke. But if you playfully call her 'fat' several more times or in the middle of a serious issue, she will start to believe you have stylishly expressed a sincere opinion...and God help you, if she let's it go and forgives you easily. Lol.

There's is the assumption that women get angry for no reason. Oga wait o! That's not true. The reasons might be small, silly or irrational...but there's always a reason. And those reasons are as solid, vibrant and authentic as the red bottoms of a $2000, 8 inch Christian Louboutin heels. You simply can't question the validity of that.

Do I hate to be presumed as a 'troublesome' person? No, not if that was in fact true...but in a case, where I'm actually the sensitive woman who unbelievably shys off confrontation however paradoxical it appears, to the woman who seems very fearless behind her ink...Yes, its true. But it does hurt me to have a close friend so blatantly misunderstand me over the years. And I mean it, because (well he can ask me that later if he chooses).

My point is that Women have often been written off as foolish and inferior by men because most women are expressive and show their emotions and some men assume their own 'logical' approach is superior, rather than complementary. Forgetting that she need not apologise for her design as no one gender can look at the world with complete perspective. A man's single minded-linear thinking combined with a woman's peripheral- feelings/multi-dimensional vision can help them both reach their common goals and experience life's journey in the fullest, wisest and most rewarding way possible. So Hey Kay, you owe me an apology. And that's all I wanted. A simple genuine one. I just didn't need to point it out to you! Lol.

Have a Wonderful Wednesday Lovelies! Kisses!

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