Tuesday, 28 January 2014

She's....Single By Design!

I have been reading "Food, Sex and Peace of mind" by Cheyenne Bostock and its incredible how this young man has been able to reiterate my thoughts in his book...even as a man. And just how he and a few other men like Tony Gaskin Jr have somewhat empowered me to embrace being single. After all 'SINGLE' is not a disease. Hahahah!

And whilst a woman might hate the idea of being alone. Being single is the way to be when someone is still finding themselves or is yet to find the person that meets their standards. I think I fall into the L...he he he...Got you! See them straining to find out what my reasons are. Aprokos!!! Lol. It is true that somewhere in a woman's heart, she believes there's a man out there who's strong enough, wise enough and loving enough to settle her down...but until she meets him...She will remain 'SINGLE BY DESIGN'.

Think about it, where is the sense in a woman who loves God, is thriving in her career, is of great value to her family, friends and community to simply settle for just any man with a 'penis' who isn't offering anything greater or showing evidence that he has access to something greater within.

Often times we make a big deal of mocking those who are single and allow the society to pressure us into making silly mistakes because we want to conform to societal ideals...and boy, do we make them mistakes (hahahah...I would know, right). But truly where is the sense in wasting valuable time, accompanying a MAN on a journey that has no destination?

Yes the 'SINGLE BY DESIGN' woman a.k.a 'the bitch' Vs the 'SINGLE BY DEFAULT' woman aka 'Miss nice'...My definition;

SIngle by Design: A woman of substance who is single by CHOICE and chooses to freely remain single until she finds the right man that meets her standards and principle despite the flock of attention she gets, because she knows what she wants in her man...and she's tagged the bitch...because she holds her principles together and won't accept any undeserving man to mistreat or under-value her.

Single by Default: A woman who's been left single because she's failed to meet up certain criteria or standards in previous relationships (the dumped). She's the one who's constantly seeking validation and jumping from relationships to relationships 'hoping' to find the perfect man and ready to do just about anything to find him and keep him. She's tagged 'Miss Nice' because she the conformer who strives to please in every way.

Perhaps a man wants the 'SINGLE DEFAULT' woman...don't laugh! She the one who sells herself short simply because she wants the society to see she has her own man. She will make him feel better about his shortcomings, and possibly over compensate for them in any way that she can (plenty of sex, cook his meals, do his laundry, clean after him...the nine yards), she will submit just enough to keep him around, not because she loves him but because she's lonely...and loneliness can easily be confused with love...Abi what do you think? Yes ke! Her strength comes from his weakness and it won't benefit her to EMPOWER him in any meaningful way to reach his goals...believe me, I've observed enough of those types of relationships...they stay together for years...but her over-compensation is not enough to move him or the relationship forward.

And if by chance he reaches his goal, he will no longer need her, because there was never anything really special about her to begin with. She was convenient, she made him feel comfortable about his situation and overtime he grew complacent. She will dumb her brilliance just to make him feel more like a man, but after a while even that gets exhausting...And now the relationship feels like prison. They both aren't looking for better, yet they both are miserable together. Aha!!!

A man wants a woman to submit...Just as the bible advised right...err...wait a second! The bible asked wives to submit to their husbands...not girlfriends to their boyfriends...and please don't say that DATING is an opportunity to sample...Perhaps...True...Because the courting period is supposed to give both parties a chance to preview what's in store. But to sample is different from handing over the entire package free of charge. Here's my theory that the 'single by default' women are the ones overtly praising boyfriends and giving them the entire package...while a 'single by design' woman is the one who refuses to give to a 'friend' the 'benefits of a lover' and to a lover 'the benefits of a husband'...Sounds annoying right? Dang! The bitch!...But Hey, if he wants the bitch to submit...perhaps he should step up to the platform...and be a MAN deserving of full submission!

To submit means to 'YIELD'. It does not mean the man is the boss of her life...it simply means the woman is 'willing to give in'...and its a two way street. He can't ask her to yield if he's unwillingly himself to yield to his LOVE...the love that the same Bible also commanded. Still as a woman myself, there needs to be sense behind a man's leadership in order for me to invest my time.

I do believe a woman should know her role in a relationship, likewise a man too. If he doesn't know how to communicate to a woman, he will definitely draw her out. If he doesn't know how to cater to her, she won't want to cater to him. So don't be quick to judge a 'single by design' woman simply because her STANDARDS requires a man to put in some more effort.

A Single by design woman knows when a man has true SUBTANCE as opposed to the one who merely offers SUSPENSE...and she will only be willing to submit herself to the one who proves himself worthy. And a man with substance knows that a woman's willingness to submit is motivated by his ATTITUDE. His attitude towards people, work, leadership, money, time and relationships...and that it will have great influence over her decision to associate with him. He could easily be the richest most influential man in the world but if his poor attitude sucks, a woman of substance wouldn't give a hoot. But if a man were to show a woman who is single by design that he loves life, loves her deeply and loves God truly, she will follow him to the end of the earth...

So if a man WANTS the 'Single by design' woman... As a leader, it is his responsibility to 'introduce' love...it is his job to set the tone. If he wants her to go to his church, its his job to lead her there...if he wants her to cook, he needs to provide the tools to enable her prepare it. If he wants to do the talking or negotiating on her behalf, he needs to prove that there's power in his leadership skills. If he wants her to stop going out all the time, he needs to give her a reason to stay home...or invite her to do things as a couple. In the end, if a man really wants a 'Single By Design Woman' to submit, he must give her something substantial to submit to.

Have a Terrific Tuesday Lovelies! And oh feel free to share your thoughts and share this page with others if strikes a chord. Kisses!

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